From Loneliness to Solitude
October 26, 2025
Today’s second reading from Paul leaves out a few verses which I have included in the reading given here in this blog, for these verses give the context to Paul’s loneliness as articulated in his sentence: “At my first defence no one came to my support, but all deserted me”. Jesus too, experienced loneliness, especially towards the end of his life. In the Garden he retires to pray, and then comes to find his three closest disciples asleep, and so he sorrowfully asks them, “Couldn’t you keep watch with me for one hour?” (Mathew 26:40). Or again he must have experienced loneliness when all his disciples ran away when he was arrested; and once again when all but the women and one of the Apostles had the courage to come to him as he hang on the cross. Of course, Jesus’ greatest loneliness was when he even felt abandoned by God: My God why have you forsaken me? - words of utter desolation and loneliness, and unlike many Christians who are not willing to accept that Jesus did feel abandoned by God, the Gospel writers never ever suggest that he did not mean exactly what he said.
The truth is that we are nourished deeply by relationships, and so loneliness is experienced when genuine relationships wither away - whatever the number of friends or even luxuries we may have surrounded ourselves with. Furthermore, more often than not, our loneliness is caused by our own choices. These choices are not necessarily moral choices. They are primarily life choices, and could include choices for example, to prioritize career over family, or to prioritize a relationship with a particular person(s) so exclusively as to virtually cut ourselves off from others, or to prioritize privacy over being vulnerable, or choosing to take the path of least resistance, or alternatively the choice to take the path less travelled, and so on. But then sometimes, these choices, made at some time in our lives, mean that we are left without any deep sustaining relationship - like those who feel lonely at the top of the pyramid they were scrambling to climb, or those who experience the deep loneliness of what is known as the empty nest syndrome for they have lived their entire lives focused only around their children, and so on. Some of these choices could be questioned, some may hurt others, but none of them necessarily need to be weighed on the scales of ethics or morality.
And surely during his life Jesus too made choices that, justifiably or not, hurt many in the religious establishment, that caused his disciples to abandon him in fear, and so on, - all of which led to his deep loneliness, even to the point where he felt even abandoned by God. So Jesus, in the Agony at the Garden, or hanging on the cross, experiences a loneliness that could have destroyed him.
But what is it that keeps someone like Jesus, (or Paul, in today’s reading), from succumbing to it? I believe that the strength to go on in the face of loneliness comes from knowing that you have given yourself to something that is bigger than yourself - this may be the future of a child, trying to make real a dream you are passionate about, or committing yourself to a cause. Sometimes it may just mean getting involved in making others happy or serving others in some manner - and learning not to focus on yourself. And so Jesus, hanging on the cross, is somehow able to see that his own life, and the choices he made, are part of God’s way of saving the world. As a result, from an experience of despair in which he felt abandoned by God, he could end his life saying; ‘Into your hands I commend my spirit’.
For when one can see how one ‘fits’ in within the infinitely larger universal jig-saw puzzle, that little piece that I am, that seemed so lost and forlorn and lonely, finds itself restored - for it experiences its re-connection - to the ultimate reality and other human beings that underlies our entire lives. As a result, one’s agonizing and self-destroying loneliness gets transformed into a purposeful resolve and into the bearable pain of solitude. Loneliness, isn’t just an emotion. It’s our innermost self’s way of saying: "Remember me. I was made for connection." The void that we experience in loneliness essentially tells us that we are disconnected - either from the ultimate reality, or from other living beings or from both. When we focus on how we can rebuild our human connection with others, not specifically with one person, but rather with a larger body of humanity, that loneliness can recede. i say this because I believe that making ourselves part of a larger whole has immeasurable healing powers. We still may be alone, but it would no longer be loneliness, but rather a quiet solitude.
So, when we experience loneliness, we are called not to wallow in it, but to use it as a prod to reflect on our lives and on the choices we have made. And having reflected we could end up realizing that generally the choices we made did contribute to a larger purpose - our own independence, or the future of our children, or small attempts to change the world around us, - or alternatively that they did not,. If we end up with the former conclusion then we can embrace those choices again and I believe the loneliness would naturally ease, for now we can see that the loneliness was not thrust upon us, but one that we consciously chose - thus transforming loneliness into solitude. Alternatively, if the choices we made were what we think in hind-sight were not the ones we ought to have made, or even if they seemed to be the right ones in the past, but don’t seem that way today, then we must actively look for ways to focus on something that at this stage in our lives we believe is worth giving our time and energy to.
Therefore, the opposite of loneliness isn’t a frenzied drowning of ourselves in crowds or parties, where there is no real connection. The opposite of loneliness is finding meaning. For when life begins to make sense to us, we find we are once again connected.
Give to the Most High as he has given to you and as generously as you can afford. For the Lord is the one who repays, and he will repay you sevenfold. Do not offer him a bribe, for he will not accept it, and do not rely on a dishonest sacrifice, for the Lord is the judge, and with him there is no partiality. He will not show partiality to the poor, but he will listen to the prayer of one who is wronged. He will not ignore the supplication of the orphan or the widow when she pours out her complaint. Do not the tears of the widow run down her cheek
And look not upon an unjust sacrifice, for the Lord is judge, and there is not with him respect of person.
The Lord will not accept any person against a poor man, and he will hear the prayer of him that is wronged.
He will not despise the prayers of the fatherless; nor the widow, when she poureth out her complaint.
For from the cheek they go up even to heaven, and the Lord that heareth will not be delighted with them.
He that adoreth God with joy, shall be accepted, and his prayer shall approach even to the clouds.
The prayer of him that humbleth himself, shall pierce the clouds: and till it come nigh he will not be comforted: and he will not depart till the most High behold.
As for me, I am already being poured out as a libation, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
Do your best to come to me soon, for Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica; Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me in ministry. I have sent Tychicus to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments. Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will pay him back for his deeds. You also must beware of him, for he strongly opposed our message.
At my first defence no one came to my support, but all deserted me. May it not be counted against them! But the Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and save me for his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, was praying thus, ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven but was beating his breast and saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the other, for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.”
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