Biblical instructions for Daily Living - Eternal or Contextual?

December 29, 2024

Today is the feast of the Holy family and for this reason, all of our readings for this Sunday are in some way related to family relationships.

And one of the things we may notice when we read these passages is a clear set of instructions  as to how members of a family ought to relate to each other (e.g. Wives be subject to your husbands, Children obey your parents etc). These kinds of instructions, whether in relation to family behaviours, food habits, lifestyle habits etc. are found in several parts of the Bible, both in the Old and New Testaments. And some of these instructions seem totally out of touch with today’s reality. So, should these directions be taken as part of divinely inspired teachings, and therefore to be applicable at all times? Or are they contextual, and therefore need to be adapted or even changed completely over time?  

Reflecting on this, we may realize that in any religious scripture where such instructions are offered, often enough there is what we can call the essence of the teaching followed by the practical advice that tries to ‘translate’ this teaching(s) into instructions for daily living. St.Paul, the New Testament writer who probably gives the most instructions in his letters, certainly understood this distinction, and in many of his letters, after he has given his ‘teaching’, he then proceeds to give instructions that he openly admits are his own conclusions.  Thus in his first letter to the Corinthians he first teaches that our bodies are temples of the Lord (1 Cor 6:19) and then based on this tries to give advice a few verses later “concerning the things of which you wrote to me”  (1 Cor 7:1).  Of course even then he clearly says that it is I, not the Lord, who am giving these guidelines  (1 Cor 7:12).  Similarly in his letter to the Colossians from which today’s second reading is taken, he teaches that as Christians we must bear with one another with  “compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience”, and from that he goes on to offer instructions that according to him would keep these qualities alive in a family. It is in this context and from within his own patrirchal mindset, that he teaches that wives should be subject to their husbands, and children to their parents.  

Perhaps, when reading the Bible, we often forget to make this distinction between the practical advice and the essential part of the teaching.  Of course a clear instruction is much easier to follow, while on the other hand, trying to understand the spirit of the teaching and then applying it to our lives, requires much more of us. I remember when I first ventured into the kitchen and decided that I would bake a cake for  myself.  The instructions included one line: “Butter the pan and then flour it”. As one who was good at following instructions, I generously buttered the pan and equally generously floured the pan.  When the cake was baked and I turned it over, I found a layer of white flour covering my cake. Following instructions without understanding the thinking behind it, ends up like that. Because in the latter case, we need to first interpret the passage to try and distil out the essential or ‘eternal’ aspect of it, and then contemplate the areas of our lives that we can apply it to, and then think of how we should apply it.  This is a lot more work!  

But the truth is that this not just true of religious teachings. And since it is the feast of the Holy Family, let us take the example of parents today who are often struggling to find the right way to bring up their kids. There are a thousand books out there that tell you how to bring up your kid and there are a million relatives who will give you advice on what worked for them. And very often, whether you follow the book or you follow family advice, we tend to follow the rules instead of exploring the meaning or spirit behind the rule.  And so many of these instructions or guidelines are questionable if taken at face value. I remember, for example, since our daughter was born in the USA, reading up on the common ‘teaching’ at that time over there, that babies should be left to sleep in their own cribs/rooms, and even if they cried for long, they should not be picked up or comforted or brought to the parents’ bed, because then they would get used to it, would not learn to comfort themselves, and that this would create an unhealthy pattern.  And I remember how my heart would break when I tried to practise this, until finally her grandmother (my mother-in-law) just refused to listen to me and picked up our daughter and comforted her. And since then we chose not to follow this ‘common’ advice. And to my knowledge, at least, this did not create any unhealthy pattern. But what was the truth behind that instruction that we as parents chose eventually not to follow?  Perhaps the insight behind that instruction was that children could use ‘crying’ as a way to control their parents (something I myself have seen in real life), and that such attempts by children to do this need to be handled carefully so that it does not become an unhealthy pattern. That insight does have value. Similarly there are books telling parents never to use ‘negative’ language (e.g. don’t say the word NO, don’t use ‘traumatic words’ like dying or death), and so on and so forth.  The blind following of such rules can lead to completely unacceptable behaviour in public with sometimes a child is found rampaging around a department store, and creating trouble for the store and for the others shopping there, - all because the parent(s) refuse to tell the child to stop, since that would involve saying NO.  Of course it would seem that the ‘insight’ behind such advice received blindly, is that we should help our children look positively on life and the issues we may have to face or handle as we grow up.  Valid advice, but it needs to be explored how best to do this for my particular child as there is no one size fits all, - and so blindly following the instruction that comes from a particular book or relative is not perhaps the best approach.  

Furthermore, as is the case with religion, in which exposure to multiple religious traditions and their insights, can be extremely beneficial to us, in parenting too, we need to reflect on whether it can actually benefit a child to have multiple influences by being exposed to multiple parenting styles. And despite some other weaknesses, this was one of the strengths of the earlier joint family system, where multiple families and generations lived together.  But even today, such opportunities exist, if parents allow their extended family members to bring their own parenting styles into play as they interact with their children - as when grandparents are more indulgent than parents, and uncles and aunts are perceived to treat the children differently.  The child observes and learns that there are many approaches to life.  And of course, parents would need to help the child sift through and think through these various approaches, and even themselves maybe learn from each one of them. And so to take the example of not using negative language in order to help the child to grow up with a positive attitude to life,  the child may learn, for example, because of one parenting style  to look at life positively, while she may learn from others that she shares her space with others and so her freedom ends where the other’s nose begins. 

In any case, through it all, what we perhaps should remember is that no one person (or parenting book) can probably hold all the answers and nuances of parenting, - just as no one approach to God exhausts all possible approaches to God. 

First Reading: First Samuel 1: 20-22, 24-28  

So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.” When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the Lord and to fulfill his vow, Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always.” “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the Lord make good his[c] word.” So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. 

After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh.  When the bull had been sacrificed, they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord.  I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.  So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

OR

 

First Reading: Sirach 3: 2-6, 12-14

 

For the Lord honors a father above his children, and he confirms a mother’s right over her children.
Those who honor their father atone for sins, and those who respect their mother are like those who lay up treasure.
Those who honor their father will have joy in their own children, and when they pray they will be heard.
Those who respect their father will have long life, and those who honor[a] their mother obey the Lord;

 

My child, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if his mind fails, be patient with him; because you have all your faculties do not despise him.
For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, and will be credited to you against your sins;

 

 

Second Reading: First John 3: 1-2, 21-24

See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is. Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have boldness before God;  and we receive from him whatever we ask, because we obey his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we should believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us.  All who obey his commandments abide in him, and he abides in them. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit that he has given us.

OR

Colossians 3: 12-21

As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.  And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is your acceptable duty in the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.

 

Gospel: Luke 2: 41-52

 

And his parents went every year to Jerusalem, at the solemn day of the pasch. And when he was twelve years old, they going up into Jerusalem, according to the custom of the feast,  And having fulfilled the days, when they returned, the child Jesus remained in Jerusalem; and his parents knew it not. And thinking that he was in the company, they came a day’s journey, and sought him among their kinsfolks and acquaintance. And not finding him, they returned into Jerusalem, seeking him. And it came to pass, that, after three days, they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard him were astonished at his wisdom and his answers. And seeing him, they wondered. And his mother said to him: Son, why hast thou done so to us? behold thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. And he said to them: How is it that you sought me? did you not know, that I must be about my father’s business? And they understood not the word that he spoke unto them. And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them. And his mother kept all these words in her heart. And Jesus advanced in wisdom, and age, and grace with God and men.